Whatever.

13 02 2012

I just finished a weekend at the DC Improv with local masher Tim Miller and headliner Jim Jeffries (the other white guy). It was an interesting weekend with an interesting crowd. In many instances, a crowd will be a mix of ages, ethnicities, sex, and tastes but such was not the case this weekend. Each show was sold out and each crowd member was there to see one person…Jim Jeffries. He has a loyal fan base and it is comprised mostly of 20/30 something white guys who enjoy drinking.

However, the crowds were pretty tame for the most part except for a boisterous Friday late show. I mixed up my jokes a little bit to accomodate for the crowd’s taste and had fun on the shows. Tim Miller was great as usual and it was nice to have a buddy on the show. Jim Jeffries is a fabulous story teller and a seasoned performer. He was also a gentleman offstage and easy to talk to in the greeenroom during and after shows.

Usually, I hang out a bit after the shows but this week I was feeling particularly drained and left the club after my last set of the night on both the Friday and Saturday shows. I did hang around after the Sunday show and made the poor decision to make myself available for unnecessary conversation with a particularly annoying drunk girl. I knew she was trouble the minute she walked over to me. Almost immediately I sensed her comedic critique of my performance looming over our conversation. To paraphrase, she said something like, “You started out really slow but then made me laugh and you should be proud because it’s really HARD to make ME laugh.”

I thought about replying with, “Oh wow, had I known YOU were going to be here I would have stepped up my game at the beginning of the set.” But, her glazed over eyes and unintelligent disposition told me that the sarcasm would have flown over her greasy head and she would have instead begun patting herself on the back for somehow contributing to the show. So instead I told her that “…I perform at my own pace, not hers” and walked away.

The ridiculous thing is that she was not nearly pretty enough to be that annoying. If she was a 10, she might have bought herself an extra 45 seconds…but a 10 she was not. A drunk, annoying 5 1/2 gets you less than a minute with this guy.

Jon, that’s mean and mysoginistic! No, its not.

A sober and interesting 3 gets you a pleasant conversation with me for as long as you’d like.

Jon,  you’re being arrogant.

Again, you’re wrong. I didn’t go up to you to start the conversation. Not once have I ever intentionally picked out an audience member to discuss the participation in the show. “Hey man, I noticed you didn’t laugh much at the beginning of the show but then later you seemed to laugh more….just wanted to let you know.”

Jon,  you’re being sensitive. You think? Probably, but I’m trying to make you laugh while reading this and if I don’t take extreme offence to the situation I dont’ feel like it will be a funny read.

Also shocking was the fact that this annoying girl’s boyfriend was standing right there and didn’t put his girlfriend in check. Unnaceptable. I hope that girl reads this, becomes offended, tells her boyfriend and then he dumps her. Your welcome, guy.

Last weekend I traveled to New York to audition for the Montreal Just For Laughs comedy festival. The venue was the Creek and the Cave and was definitely a unique atmosphere. I’ve performed at a lot of different place (see my bio for the short list) but typically I perform at clubs and bars. The Creek and the Cave is more of a tiny, black box theatre that probably seats about 30 people comfortably. I was fairly happy with my set although performing 6 minutes sets in definitely not my strength. If anything, performing there showed me that I need to prepare myself better for short showcase sets because it is nothing like performing a feature or headlining set and you should really perform completely differently.

New York City is very depressing to me. I’ve only been there a few times and it always gives me the same feeling of gloom. The only way to describe it is Frodo and Sam’s journey to Mordor in the Lord of the Rings trilogy. I know exactly why I feel this way too…lack of plant life. My wife can confirm this. Either I have some type of condition or I am just really country because if I go more than a day without seeing trees and plants, I get depressed and angry.

Upcoming stuff: This Thursday I’ll be performing at the Arlington Drafthouse Lounge and on Saturday I’ll be headling a CoolCow Productions show in Fredericksburg, Va. Finally, next Sunday and Monday, daddy is going to skiing and is hoping to not damage his old, frail body.

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