Look at me. I’m ranting.

4 01 2012

“I don’t want to debate with you.” This thought runs through my head at least once a day. Local DC comic Brian Parise has a hilarious joke about divisive social issues and how he will agree with whatever someone says just so he doesn’t have to have a conversation about it. So true.

The biggest offence for me is politics. I don’t like politics. I don’t understand politics. I don’t take enough interest in politics to have an intelligent conversation and gladly admit it. I am also annoyed that you care so much about it and want to convince me of something you believe in. “What are you, Democrat or Republican?” I am neither. I don’t really see the difference? I am anti-dirtbag. Show a politician who is not a scumbag and I’ll vote for him or her. Can we talk about something else?

Religion is another one. I am a Christian. I try very hard not to be an obxoxious one. If you ask me what I believe in, I am happy to tell you and will tell you why I believe it if you ask me. However, please don’t ask me what religion I am just so you can open the door for conversation and thus try to convince me Jesus doesn’t exit. Or, start droning on about how organized religion has started every war in the history of the world. Ummm, you’re probably right but what does that have to do with me? Am I starting wars because I go to church on Sunday. Ahhhh tricky! You’re sucking me into your agenda….and I’m out.

Sports. I follow NFL football and not much else. I also love NFL football and generally enjoy talking about it. However I don’t want to debate issues that cannot possibly be proved with quantitative analysis. Example: “Dan Marino was the greatest quarterback ever because he passed for the most yards. No, Joe Montana was the greatest quarterback because he won four Superbowl. Yeah, but Terry Bradshaw won four Superbowl too. Yeah, but Joe Montana passed for more yards. And….I’m out.”

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy discussing a mutual topic of interest with anyone as long as you don’t try to prove something to me. In the history of conversation, how many times has this actually worked? Where two people totally disagree on something but miraculously, after an hour of discussion, one of them totally agrees with the other’s point of view.Like….never. So why even begin the debate?

So how do we deal with this issue without coming across like a jerk. I suppose I could just say politely, “I’d rather not debate this with you, could we please talk about something else?” That’s not too jerky but I feel like it comes across as a little smug. I’m also not sure if I used the term “smug” appropriately just now. I’d prefer to skip all of that and just change the subject to food. Who doesn’t like food? Who doesn’t like to talk about food? If you don’t like food, than you’re probably a bad person who doesn’t have many friends. Think about it, if someone says to you, “dude, I ate the best burrito yesterday!” Immediately I wanna know more. Try this, people, I encourage it.

Boring, annoying debater: “What’s your take on Obama’s foreign policy because this is what I think…
Me: “Hey sorry to cut you off but have you ever eaten bacon? I think its amazing.

There you go, folks. You’re welcome. I try to do good things.

Best Regards,




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